this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
