I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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