3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
