I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
