she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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