1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
