I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
