I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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