he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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