i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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