things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
