I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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