I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
