The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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