Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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