I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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