and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
