I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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