I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
