I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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