I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
