She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
