that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
