I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
