I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize