Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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