I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
