How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
