He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
