yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
