NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
