i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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