you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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