as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
