i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
