she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize