I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
