Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
