I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
