I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
