Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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