TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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