I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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