i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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