i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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