I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
