If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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