dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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