i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
