Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
