tell your sister to shave her snatch
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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