Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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