he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
