how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
