Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
