Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
