What did we do last night that was yellow?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
