I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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