I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
