you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
