sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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