Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
