I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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