I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
