Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
