i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
