and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
