i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
