I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
