I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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