I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
