I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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