I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
