Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So squirting runs in the family.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
