Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
