There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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