Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
