it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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