he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
