My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
