He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
