It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
