I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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