your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
