I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this just has baby written all over it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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