Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
