True but thats because hes a fetus.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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