Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
